i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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