I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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