Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
