I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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