'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
