so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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