put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
