I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
