Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
