I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
