You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
