we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
