Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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