Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
