Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
