Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
