youre lurking in front of me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
