I looked at my own cervix.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
