I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
