and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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