my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
