He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
