oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
