so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
