I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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