I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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