I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
