I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
