You're completely useless in the revolution.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
