i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
