There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
