My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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