Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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