I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
