So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
