so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
