Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
4 words: hood of his car
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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