I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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