you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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