I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
