Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
