i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
