Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
