3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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