Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I had your ass I would rule the world
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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