the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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