I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
