someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
