So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
