The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
